her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
