I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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