Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
