she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
