He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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