i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
