There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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