I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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