Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
