Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you win again, gameday.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
