he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
