those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
