The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
