Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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