My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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