Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
