Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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