just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
