That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
