Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
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I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.