I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
