I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
