you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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