I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
