The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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