Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
