the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
