after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
