So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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