I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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