I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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