so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
