there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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