The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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