So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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