I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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