??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
