It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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