I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
