If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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