party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
