I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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