You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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