Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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