Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
