I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
