im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I hope mine doesn't look like that
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
