I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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