my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just want to make out with him forever
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
