one two three fourrrrnication!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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