Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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