Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
