you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I love you. Go after that dick
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
