New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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