is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
