Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
