R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
