too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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