Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
