so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
