too bad you live with your parents still
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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