he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
