Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
