we're blogging at a bar
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
