your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
