it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
