I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
