We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
