Who wears a wallet chain?!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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