I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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